


safe with you

by lxrna_polaris



Category: Nikita (TV 2010)
Genre: Comfort, F/F, Happy Ending, Nightmares, Set during season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 11:36:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15339030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lxrna_polaris/pseuds/lxrna_polaris
Summary: Alex's nightmares are filled with people she's lost. Someone she can't afford to lose helps pull her out of them.





	safe with you

**Author's Note:**

> set in season 4 while Alex and Sonya are on their solo mission.

_ “Alex.” Alex heard a soft, soothing voice. She felt soft blankets against her face, and warm sunlight shining on her back. There was a gentle hand brushing her hair behind her ear. “Alex, wake up.”  _

_ She opened her eyes and her breath caught in her throat.  _

_ “Thom?” she asked. He was there, laying next to her. There was blood trickling from the corner of his mouth, and his face was pale. In fact, there was blood everywhere. All over his chest, on his hands.  _

_ “Alex,” he said again. His voice was still the same. Gentle, caring… loving. “You’re gonna see me, Alex. You’re gonna see me.”  _

Alex woke up, letting out a strangled scream and tossing the blankets back. She was shaking violently and felt like there was a thousand ants crawling over her skin. Or maybe blood dripping all over her. 

Then as quickly as she had woken up, Sonya was beside her, wrapping her thin arms around Alex’s trembling body. 

“Shh. Sh. It’s okay. I’m right here,” Sonya whispered into Alex’s hair. 

“No! No- I saw him again- I- he-I killed him! He was right! He’ll never go away, and I’m never gonna-” 

“No, no. It’s fine. You’re safe, Alex. It wasn’t your fault,” Sonya soothed. Alex and Sonya had been staying in a hotel together for a few months. Alex had told Sonya about her past. About how everyone that Alex got attached to got hurt. She could never save anyone that she loved. 

“No. You’re wrong. I killed him, and I have to pay the price. I still see them all, but he’s the worst. I didn’t- I never really felt happy with anyone after him,” Alex said, her voice becoming fragile as her chin trembled. 

“I know.” Sonya pressed her her mouth against the top of Alex’s head. “I know. You loved him.” 

“I couldn’t save any of them, Sonya. Irena, Thom, Jaden, Nathan, Sean… they all got hurt because of- no,  _ by _ me.” 

“No… It’s not your fault Alex. None of it is,” Sonya whispered. “Just breathe.” 

Alex gulped at the air between her panicked sobs. 

“There, see? You can do it. You’re okay.” Sonya smiled, relieved. “How about we go get some breakfast?”

Alex nodded. 

Sonya cleaned her up and then got dressed. Alex put on some of her simplest, comfiest clothes. She didn’t feel fancy or pretty today.  

The two of them had gotten fairly comfortable in the little area they were staying in. The hotel room had become more like a little apartment for the pair. They knew the cafés and diners that were the nicest. 

In a way, it was nice. Except for Alex’s dreams and panic attacks, and of course the constant risk of dying. She liked being here with Sonya. She was happier than she had been in a long time. She liked Sonya. It reminded her of when she had known Thom. It had been different with Nathan. She wasn’t really happy. Of course, it was worse with Sean. He hadn’t always been good to Alex. 

Now though, she felt safe with Sonya. She knew Sonya wouldn’t hurt her. She got this stupid fluttery feeling in her stomach when Sonya smiled at her. 

“Alex?” Sonya asked from across the little booth they were seated at. 

“Huh?” Alex looked up from her milkshake. Sonya seemed a little worried. 

“Alex, you seem tired. You’ve been sleeping less and less lately, and you eat like a toddler. All sweets and no vegetables,” Sonya pointed out, smiling at the last sentence. That pesky fluttery feeling attacked Alex, as usual. 

“I know. I just don’t want to sleep anymore. I’m afraid of the dreams,” Alex said. “I  _ am _ tired, Sonya. I’m so tired.” 

“Are you sure you don’t want coffee? Just this once?” 

“It’s addictive, Sonya,” Alex replied. Sonya knew what she meant. 

“I know. I knew you’d say no.” Sonya nodded. “I admire that about you.” 

“Why?” Alex asked. “It’s not  _ my _ proudest feature, that’s for sure.” 

“I know it’s not, but you really are remarkable. You’re so… brave. If I had…” Sonya trailed off. 

“Been like me?” Alex offered. Sonya sighed. 

“I just think you’re strong, staying away from anything that’s addictive, including  _ coffee _ ,” Sonya said. “I know I wouldn’t be able to function without it.” 

Alex laughed and Sonya smiled softly at her. 

“So, what d’you wanna do today? We’re at a momentary standstill, y’know,  _ business wise _ ,” Alex asked, slurping lazily at her milkshake. 

“We should do something fun,” Sonya offered. Alex thought of going to an amusement park or something, that is, until Sonya finished her thought. “Like a video game spree! Or a  _ Lord Of The Rings  _ marathon!” 

“You’re crazy.” Alex snorted. 

“How so?” 

“You’re such a nerd.” 

“And what’s wrong with being a  _ nerd _ , Alex?” Sonya grinned at her from across the booth. Alex’s stomach flipped pleasantly. 

“You’ve got no sense of adventure,” Alex teased, smirking mischievously. 

“ _ Oh _ . Is that so?” Sonya nodded playfully. 

“Certainly.” 

“Well then, I’ll just have to prove you wrong, won’t I?” Sonya raised her sharp eyebrows. 

“Maybe you will,” Alex challenged. Sonya giggled. 

“Alright then, Alex. You’re on. How about we go hiking?” Sonya suggested. Alex groaned. “Or would you prefer  _ The Italian Job _ for the fourth time this week?” 

“What do you think?” Alex raised an eyebrow. 

“Who has no sense of adventure now?” Sonya teased. “Alright, let’s go home.” 

The two of them sat on the couch, their legs tangled up together. The over-dramatic dialogue and blatant sexism of  _ The Italian Job _ playing through the screen. Alex could tell Sonya was bored. Alex  _ couldn’t _ tell why Sonya didn’t like the movie, though. Sure, it was old fashioned in its opinion of women, and sure, it wasn’t the most diverse, but it was such a great story. 

Alex pulled her eyes from the screen to look at the other woman. Sonya was gazing out the window at the drizzly rain. 

It was a tired sort of day. Quiet. Soft. Gentle. Lazy. A sleepy day. 

And Alex felt it. 

Sonya was right that Alex barely slept anymore. The dreams were simply too painful. Alex knew they weren’t real, and she knew that if she was back with the others, Michael would say it was an irrational fear, but she couldn’t help it. Seeing Thom like that, night after night, it was horrifying. 

But she was beginning to come unhinged. She needed sleep. She needed it badly. She thought that perhaps a nap would be different, and only sleeping at night was so painful. 

Alex let her eyes droop closed.

_ She was back in division. She was wearing a black suit, sitting at a fancy desk. Percy’s desk. There was a glass of whiskey in her hand. The door opened and Jaden walked in. She wore a white button down and dress pants. There was blood running down her torso. Her skin had a grayish tone. She was dead. _

_ “Hello, director Alex. We have a new recruit we’d like you to meet.” Jaden smiled sweetly and Alex swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat.  _

_ As Jaden’s corpse led Alex down the halls of division, she caught glimpses of other people that she’d cared about, all dead, all her fault.  _

_ They reached a door. A closed door. Dread settled in Alex’s stomach. _

_ “She’s right in here,” Jaden said, her tone strangely obedient and kind. The only time Jaden ever used that voice in reality was when she was faking it.  _

_ Alex opened the door and screamed. Sonya. There. Dead.  _

“Alex! Alex, it’s okay,” Sonya gasped, sitting bolt upright. Sonya. Here. Alive. 

“No, no no no, it’s not okay. Nothing is okay! It- it was-” Alex gulped, trying to catch her breath. “...it was you.” 

Realisation hit Alex like a ton of bricks. It was Sonya. It wasn’t Thom. It wasn’t any of them, it was  _ her _ . It was Sonya. And it would be. It would be forever. 

“What?” Sonya asked quietly. 

“It’s you,” Alex whispered, a tiny smile appearing on her face. Her mind was a jumble. Her body was shaking. Her breath was hitched. But she was absolutely sure of one thing. “It’ll always be you.” 

Sonya blinked. For a moment Alex’s heart stopped, before Sonya let herself smile. She let out a breathy little laugh of disbelief. 

Really?” Sonya asked. 

Alex nodded “Really.” 

Sonya cupped Alex’s face in her hands and leaned forward, planting a soft kiss on Alex’s lips. When she pulled back, she was smiling. Not some shy little smile. A real one. Ear to ear. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for that,” Sonya said quietly. 

Alex beamed. “Me too,” she replied. “But Sonya, I need to tell you that you might get hurt because of me. You know I’d never try, but I’ve told you about what happens to people that get close to me.” 

“I promise I’ll be fine. I’m safe with you.” Sonya smiled. Alex knew the dreams and the panic attacks wouldn’t stop, but she believed Sonya. They hugged gently, as the TV played the sound of  _ The Italian Job' _ s final fight scene.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


End file.
